The Empress Nookie Series: Your Vag Already Deserves a Michelin Star ⭐️ 😂
A Little Rant About the Grift Going on in Women's Wellness These Days...
Fellow Empresses, How the hell are you?
Lately, some of you have wondered if we haven't gotten a little woo-woo here at THE EMPRESS, and while it's true we're interested in exploring complementary and alternative treatments that have actually helped women cope with peri/menopause, at the heart of things... we believe in science and the need for science to solve menopause.
Recognizing that each of you is so unique in your physiological makeup, your psychological history, your past traumas, your current aspirations, and your spiritual leanings—all of that counts when figuring out this next phase of your life. And when it comes to the safety and sanctity of your body, science, common sense strategy, and clear medical ethics should drive the solutions at the core.
I say all this because there's a lot of grift going on in the “wellness” industry when it comes to women in peri/menopause. We need to get past Lydia Pinkham's Tonic and realize they're targeting us because a) the healthcare system has largely failed us and b) we're in a place in our lives where we're often at our most confused, most vulnerable, and most desperate because we're hot, sweaty, puffy, hormonal, sleep-deprived, and dealing with profound brain fog. The last things we need are air pollution enemas or Kardashian gummies to make our va-jay-jays taste better.
In my own case, my OB/GYN looked at me and said, “It's menopause... just suck it up. Here take some birth control pills.” Well, it turned out those birth control pills interfered with another condition I had and resulted in me having seizures. So, I needed to get with a menopause specialist who would actually work with my neurologist to come up with a menopause treatment plan that worked with my existing condition and the fact that I'm a super sensor when it comes to medications and tend to need lower doses. I had already tried herbal over-the-counter products like Estroven and they had done nothing. I knew I needed actual clinical intervention to help with my symptoms, but it wasn't about just sucking it up and taking the pill. I needed specialists who were communicating with each other and that's the healthcare system actually working intelligently for women because I have now come through the other side of menopause and feel better and stronger than ever—but it took total intentional advocacy and sleuthing on my part to solve the puzzle of my own body and brain. Don’t fall for the grift. Your va-jay-jay is wondrous and you shouldn’t be made to feel insecure about it.
Now, without further ado, onto our glorious threesome as part of the ongoing EMPRESS NOOKIE SERIES...
We've talked about VAG OF HONOR from Naomi Watts's company STRIPES before, but today we're talking about the YOU SEXY THING Duet, which recently won at the GLAMOUR Beauty Awards, and it includes both products VAG OF HONOR Moisturizer and OH MY GLIDE Intimate Play Oil.
The primary ingredients for both products are:
Ectoine, which offers smart-targeted hydration
Squalane to lock in moisture
And Glycogen to help relieve dryness and discomfort
The important thing to note is that a lubricant is generally temporary, and a moisturizer is something that invests in the tissue long-term to rehydrate it and build it back up, so you really want to use both when addressing vaginal dryness—these two happen to really work well together.
I will confess the STRIPES packaging is a little problematic, so you may have to unscrew things before you screw things, lol. Just saying. It's actually not uncommon for a startup to go through this packaging hurdle at the get-go, but the products themselves are fabulous and do the trick. All that to say, when it comes to vaginal dryness, you do not need to grin and bear it… You need to grin and SHARE it :)
Now, the third part of this nookie equation is something equally revolutionary from a company called LELO. With thousands of five-star ratings, their SORAYA Wave rabbit massager offers indulgent clitoral stimulation while reaching your G-spot with ease for the most consistently gratifying climax yet. The WaveMotion™ technology surges in a full finger-like motion for the feeling of ultimate sexual authenticity. The ultra-powerful & flexible body offers clitoral stimulation for all physical types. Having, shall we say, test-driven multiple other products on the market, there is nothing like the SORAYA Wave—it is, hands downs, the ultimate toe-curling experience. Coupled with the above products from STRIPES and used regularly, you can be sure things will stay supple and vibrant down there and you’ll maintain that fresh-f*cked glow... remember endorphins are good for you! And of course, it's waterproof, stays charged for 2 hours, and comes with a 10-year warranty. What more could you ask for?
I want to be clear that THE EMPRESS is not a paid affiliate for either company above. We're just giving you our honest take on the products. If you have other products that you've tried and want to contribute to the community, we welcome your feedback so feel free to weigh in in the comments below.
Alors, that’s the skinny this week. Sorry (not sorry) for getting you all hot & bothered. We will have more of THE EMPRESS: MENOPAUSE & MONEY coming up in the next few weeks. Important stuff—so stay sexy and stay tuned. Until then.
Yours in Grandeur,
p.s. If you are so inclined, follow us on IG for flash content & upcoming giveaways. We’re at https://www.instagram.com/the.empress.age/ and we’d love to see you there!
*As an Amazon Associate, The Empress may earn from certain purchases, at no cost to you.