✨The Empress Questionnaire: There's Something About Mary... Tabor! 👑
Plus, an Announcement, the Inimitable Carrie Fisher, and a Fab GIVEAWAY!
✨ A vibrant space for midlife women, The Empress now reaches over two million readers through our networks of networks. ✨ From bestselling author Alisa Kennedy Jones. ✨ If you enjoy content about midlife, humor, and agency, I’d love to welcome you as part of our community. ✨ For only $50/year ($4.17 a month!) or $5/month, you’ll gain access to all my articles, Monday columns, book clubs, and virtual events.
Fellow Empresses, How’s the queendom holding up?
First, Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate as well as to those who ache. It is a tender day for many—so we honor it in all the ways.
There are certain people who arrive in your life like a well-timed sentence—clear, lyrical, and precisely what the narrative needs. I first encountered Mary L. Tabor not through a formal introduction, but through a thread of literary friendship—her collaborations with Eleanor Anstruther, her thoughtful dialogue with Kimberly Warner of Unfixed, and the quiet authority she exudes across the vast and echoing halls of Substack.
At the time, I was recovering from what one might delicately call “a plot twist.” My jaw was wired shut. I couldn’t speak. But I could read. And in that silence, voices like Mary’s began filling the void—reminding me that story, even in fragments, heals. Her words reached me like dispatches from some secret society of women (and a few men) who had seen things, written through them, and emerged more luminous for it.
Mary isn’t just a writer (though dear god, what a writer). She’s a teacher in the truest sense: intuitive, expansive, and generous with the torch she carries for literature and life. She’s also a woman who reinvented her life at 60, which, in my opinion, makes her a master of the art of subversive grace.
She is, quite simply, an Empress.
And now, let’s get to it! Please meet the extraordinary Mary L. Tabor.
The Official Bio
Mary L. Tabor has done the one thing most of us only threaten to do over cocktails: she’s written her life into fiction, memoir, and everything in between. She’s the author of The Woman Who Never Cooked—a short story collection that won Mid-List Press’s First Series Award (and yes, she can cook, she just had better things to write about). Her memoir, (Re)Making Love, is as intimate and fearless as the title suggests, and her novel Who by Fire was profiled by Shelf Unbound and won their Notable Literary Fiction Award.
She’s served as a visiting writer at the University of Missouri, taught fiction at George Washington University and the Smithsonian’s Campus-on-the-Mall, and was even a Woodrow Wilson Visiting Fellow—which is just a fancy way of saying she’s been smart in a lot of zip codes. Mary has also taken on James Joyce and Shakespeare in live interviews on XM Satellite and Pacifica Radio, because why not tackle the canon before lunch?
And why not also release a gorgeous new edition of her Tour de Force novel while we’re at it? Drumroll, please… Coming Spring 2026:
Stay tuned, Empresses! More anon!
About Only Connect… (in her words)
“How would I describe Only Connect?
It’s a weekly letter, a literary salon, and an open window.
I’m Mary L. Tabor—reader, writer, professor, former radio host, and someone who has learned (sometimes the hard way) that life rarely goes according to plot. The best advice I ever got? Only connect… Thank you, E.M. Forster. I took it to heart. This space is my attempt to do just that—with you.
Every Thursday, I share something true:
— A chapter from my novel Who by Fire (currently unfolding in serial, like the old days, but with fewer corsets)
— My full memoir (Re)Making Love, written live while navigating life, loss, and the wild world of post-divorce internet dating
— Essays on books, film, the arts, and all things literary
— Conversations with the kind of people you wish sat next to you at dinner: poets, painters, directors, philosophers
— The occasional writing lesson or gentle nudge toward your own creativity
I’ve taught writing at George Washington University and the Smithsonian, written a book of short stories (The Woman Who Never Cooked), and somehow survived the perils of memoir.
What happens here is simple: I write. You read. You comment. I respond. And if you have a Substack, I read yours too. Think of it as literary reciprocity. Or karma, with footnotes.
Paid subscribers get access to Write It!—a growing library of writing lessons and exercises from my teaching days, plus the chance to pitch a guest post. But truly, most of what I offer is free, because connection shouldn’t be behind a paywall.
So take a look. Linger. And if you’re sitting on a story (unfinished, unwritten, or just uncertain), I can help. Ask me in the Chat—yes, I answer.”
1. What is your idea of perfect midlife happiness?
To connect through the “word”: spoken and written. My full life began as a teacher and that work led to the writing of literary fiction, memoirs, a novel, and essays. Both, the writing and the teaching have connected me to others in ways I never would have thought possible. To be a bit trite, “pass it on” is my mantra.
2. Which empress, queen, goddess, or mythical figure do you most identify with?
Mary Granville Pendarves Delaney (1700-1788) whom Molly Peacock wrote about in The Paper Garden: An Artist [begins her life’s work] at 72 —yes, you read that correctly: at 72—who in 1772 invented the art of collage: She took hundreds of bits of brightly colored paper and composed botanically accurate portraits of flowers on dramatic black backgrounds. She didn’t think of herself as an artist but rather as an amateur as she remade her world through her extraordinary creative work.
3. Which living midlife woman do you most admire? (And why?)
My cousin Rita Beth Friedman. She’s an odd choice because most of my young life I feared her. I come from a large maternal family (my mother was the youngest of eight) and this cousin, my mother’s niece, was closer in age to my mother than I am to her. I now see her like the oak tree, lofty and longstanding. My life will still when she dies—she’s 94 years old. I think of her as the hummingbird on the tree limb and whose call I cannot hear. She holds me in her heart even though she didn’t understand me as the child who read all the time and was so shy that I clung to my father’s leg. She worked as a manicurist all her life. She survived a stabbing by a would-be burglar, and later breast cancer. She’s been resilient after the death of her sister with whom she shared every day. She lived through two marriages: The first to a gay man who came out late, after their children were born, and who, after the divorce, became her best friend. The second marriage ended with her husband’s dementia, but she kept him at home and cared for him even as she still went to the salon but made sure he was watched and never got lost. She was a presence when disaster struck with food she’d made—in my family, disaster struck my mother, my sister, and my father more often than anyone could have expected. When my son died at age 46 (you may read about him here),
she was one of the first to call me and continues to call me at least once a month. She recently told me that my parents would be proud of me. I sing her with a voice that is open, with a throat that vibrates like a bird in call, and that I let flow through me. I sing the stories of her life, the quirky, the snarky, the smart, and the forever generosity that defines her.
4. What aspect of midlife or the menopausal journey do you most deplore?
Perhaps because I live in LA, I deplore the desire to not wear our faces as we age, but instead to seek out surgeons and pull our skin tight. The face I earned is the face I hope to wear until the end.
5. What do you most treasure or value about this phase of life?
The time, after a lifetime of paid work in the corporate world to support my children, to leap into writing full-time at age 49, leaving a highly paid job with no assurance except my savings, and to do what I’m good at.
6. If you could share one key midlife lesson, hack, or nugget of wisdom, what would it be?
A word not so different from “connect”: Rather oddly, it’s “resolve” –a musical term that I use in the novel I’m currently writing. In music theory—I’m no expert—it means the move of a note or chord from dissonance (an unstable sound) to a consonance—meaning a tone that needs resolution. I use this idea in my memoir in the chapter entitled “Deceptive Cadence.” The term extends to all aspects of my life, maybe even particularly as I age, because, to be a bit trite (oh, not again), life is messy and never giving up on anyone is how this word resonates with me, maybe with one exception: Mr. Trump in his second term—but then, one could always hope?
7. What gives you the greatest sense of agency in midlife? (i.e., “Knowing that I can…”)
That I can be an amateur at creative artistry I admire with the full understanding that I may never be great. I’ve attached my watercolor of a mushroom—because as it blooms out, so do I.
8. Give us the headline for your Empress Age. (one that captures the bold narrative you are rewriting for the latter half of your life)
Our Dream of Safety Has to Disappear (stole the line from Auden’s poem “Leap Before You Look”)
Mary’s Empress Edit
Ulysses by James Joyce
My Trippen shoes whose artistry and comfort amaze, made in a country I found hard to love
My Hermes cashmere shawl given to me by the man I love
Schubert’s Opus 90, No. 3 in G Flat (below)
D.H. Lawrence, his novels, his poems, his paintings
Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan (cheated with 2)
Virginia Woolf whose works changed my life
Colm Tóibín whose mastery exceeds belief
Where readers can find you:
And now… A Journal Prompt!
Or just something to mull over in case you don’t need another homework assignment in life: What’s a simple, underrated ritual you’ve discovered in midlife that’s genuinely changed your life?
Mine are little movement snacks throughout the day… discovered with the help of Susan Campbell from
. My favorite is holding Warrior Three in a doorway for about a minute on my way from my office to the coffee pot! Totally decompresses my back and makes me feel strong.Midlife Brain Candy
Now, the art of the tribute (err… roast) as perfected by the inimitable Carrie Fisher… We just can’t stop sharing it:
Lastly, we’re giving away three copies of Dr. Avanti Kumar-Singh’s new book The Longevity Formula. Drop a comment below to be entered in the drawing!
We hope you enjoyed this week’s questionnaire.
Yours in Grandeur & Deep Sh*t,
PS - I am a human typo. Amnesty appreciated.
*The information contained in this post is intended for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any illness. Before using any practices or products referenced in this piece or others, always consult your healthcare providers, read all labels, and heed all cautions that come with the products. Information received from this piece, or anywhere in this Substack, should never be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have any adverse conditions, please consult your healthcare providers immediately. This Substack, including Alisa Jones and any other writers or editors, disclaims any responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of any information contained herein. Opinions of any writers in this Substack are their own, and the Substack does not accept responsibility for statements made by writers. This Substack does not make any representations or warranties about a writer’s qualifications or credibility.
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 | A guest post by
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I'm so thrilled I can barely breathe. Love, Mary
Awww, Mary! There is, indeed, something about her. Gorgeous writing, wisdom, and an abundance of literary citizenship all in one. What a treasure to see her here on the Enpress’