✨The Empress Questionnaire: Eleanor Anstruther—Scandal, Stagecraft, and the Art of Saying the Quiet Part Loud✨👑
The Acclaimed Author, Changemaker & Indie Inspiration Has a New Book Out!
✨ A vibrant space for midlife women, The Empress now reaches over two million readers through our networks of networks. ✨ From bestselling author Alisa Kennedy Jones. ✨ If you enjoy content about midlife, humor, and agency, I’d love to welcome you as part of our community. ✨ For only $50/year ($4.17 a month!) or $5/month, you’ll gain access to all my articles, Monday columns, book clubs, and virtual events.
Fellow Empresses, how’s the queendom holding up?
There are two kinds of drama: the kind that unfolds neatly in three acts, and the kind that shows up uninvited, drinks too much, and whispers just loud enough at the dinner party. Eleanor Anstruther’s In Judgement of Others delivers both in spades, skewering the well-mannered hypocrisies of English village life with the kind of biting wit that makes you laugh even as you wince. Think Midsomer Murders meets Absolutely Fabulous, with a dash of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest—a deliciously dark comedy where the real theatrics happen offstage, over aggressively poured Chardonnay and passive-aggressive concern.
Anstruther, of course, is no stranger to narratives that cut to the quick. Beyond her razor-sharp storytelling, she’s been leading the charge (alongside The Women's Prize and The Alliance of Independent Authors) to dismantle the outdated stigma around indie publishing—because, let’s be honest, prestige is about quality, not the name on the spine. She’s a fearless advocate for getting top-tier indie authors the recognition, distribution, and awards consideration they deserve, and we are so here for it.
And—brace yourselves, darlings—she’s just joined the board of Empress Editions. Yes, that Empress Editions, the midlife press dedicated to giving women over 40 the microphone, the stage, and the standing ovation they’ve long been denied. We are giddy. We are honored. We are pouring the good adaptogen mock-bubbly!
So, what happens when an author with a keen eye for human folly, a wicked sense of humor, and a commitment to shaking up the literary world takes on The Empress Questionnaire? Grab a cup of tea (or a very large gin) and read on. Eleanor Anstruther does not disappoint.
About Eleanor…
Eleanor was born in London, educated at Westminster School, and distracted from finishing her degree at Manchester University by a trip to India. She traveled for the next decade, set up a commune, built a stone circle, and married twice before finally settling down to write what would become her first published novel at age thirty-five while pregnant with twins. A Perfect Explanation, the true story of her father’s sale to his aunt by his mother, took another ten years to write. It was published in 2019 and went on to be long-listed for the Desmond Elliott Prize and Not The Booker Prize. Since then she has built a loyal following on Substack where she champions indie lit fiction in The Literary Obsessive. Her latest book, In Judgement of Others, is out now and can be purchased here.
About The Literary Obsessive
I am a full-time writer; The Literary Obsessive forms part of what I do. My practice begins at four in the morning most days, and the three hours until seven are ring-fenced for the pure creative process. It is in the silence before dawn that I get the essential element of writing done before the channels become crowded with too many other thoughts, the practicality of life, and the business of publishing. And a business it is. As an indie author for my latest novel, I wear every hat of the production process from manuscript to bookshelf; anyone who does this, too, knows it’s a full-time job. I write about in my stack; the DNA of The Literary Obsessive is as champion to the cause of independent writers working in the field of literary fiction. By proving quality, I aim to increase visibility and challenge the stigma that so often accompanies self-publishing. It’s in my stack that I serialize novels before taking them to print and use the platform as a jumping-off point to promote conversations between mainstream and indie publishing. I also run the interview series 8 Questions, a fun and easy way to discover and promote the work of other writers and highlight the unifying symptoms of this writing life. It’s been fascinating to discover that what matters most to the vast majority of guests has been the sense of community that being on Substack brings. Writers are lonesome creatures, but we need each other.
1. What is your idea of perfect midlife happiness?
Riding my horse. Arriving at my home in France with weeks and weeks ahead to be there, the place I love most in the world. Nailing a sentence, character, and plot. Time with my oldest friends, the joy of that built-up relationship, years of familiarity, love, and acceptance.
2. Which empress, queen, goddess, or mythical figure do you most identify with?
Boudica, Queen of the Iceni. She had the kind of Fuck-off attitude I like. I’m also aligned with Kali, who doesn’t love a goddess attuned to time, death, and destruction? And Hera. Imagine putting up with Zeus. Jeez.
3. Which living midlife woman do you most admire? (And why?)
So many. You! You can write. You’re a powerhouse of good. You see the funny. You won’t take no for an answer. You’ve been through the mill and come up smiling. Also, Dianne Abbott. She is a British politician, a member of the Labour Party, and MP for Hackney North & Stoke Newington since 1987. She was the first Black woman elected to the House of Commons, the only Black woman there for the next decade. But as she says when asked how this felt, she’d been the only Black person in every institution up to that point, from school to Newnham College, Cambridge, and had grown to expect it. My lived experience is quite different from hers; I grew up in a wealthy family, I’m white, and the opportunities of my life reflect that social bias, but what I see in Dianne is an absolute dogged determination to claim her space. When she turned up for her civil service interview, four white men and one white woman, she was asked why she wanted to join the civil service. “Because I want power,” was her reply. The four men fell off their chairs. The woman gave her the job.
4. What aspect of midlife or the peri/menopausal journey do you most deplore?
The attitudes of others, specifically men who wake up one day to find their nice, supplicant wife has turned into a woman who doesn’t give a shit, who then insist this, rather than who she was before, is the aberration. The fantastic thing about the menopause is that it takes the gloves off. Menopausal women are honest. We are not interested in serving the patriarchy, and this shaking off of shackles turns some men into whining babies wanting their mother back. Fuck that. We should never have been their mothers in the first place. I have children, and that parent-child relationship is as it should be. I am their mother and gladly so. But the thought of falling into that trap with anyone else, especially the person I’m sleeping with, fills me with the kind of rage that moves mountains. I see it all the time in women younger than me, the feeling that their male partner’s feelings are their responsibility, that they must ward off their man’s upset and put their own needs second, anything to keep him sweet; it drives me mad. How are physically adult men to emotionally grow up if we keep molly-coddling them? And this sentiment, this attitude extends into much of the institutional treatment of peri-menopausal and menopausal women, the idea that it’s a problem for them, primarily, that this woman who has turned into a screaming banshee needs to be repressed, her cries put to bed under a heavy blanket of pills and sorrow. Fuck that. If you want your wife to like you post-menopause, understand from the get-go that you are not entitled to her time or her body, not now or ever. What she gives she gives by choice, not supplication. She did not sign up for making your life more important than hers. You are equals. You don’t get to tell her who she is or how she needs to be to make you happy. Love her for the ever-changing goddess she is, and if you’re lucky, she will love you for the ever-changing god you are. And stop treating rage as an illness. It’s a release.
5. What do you most treasure or value about this phase of life?
The honesty! And the energy. And the very real sense that I am mortal and will die, and this is my one precious life.
6. If you could share one key midlife lesson, hack, or nugget of wisdom, what would it be?
While you’re in the thick of it, whatever that looks like, if you can find the resources to reduce sugar and cut out alcohol for as long as it takes to restabilize, I advise you to do it. It may feel counterintuitive, the urge to escape the shock is vast, and the upsurge of emotion overwhelming, I know. But that upsurge is all the stuff you had to suppress to keep the patriarchy happy. It’s going to come out one way or another, so if you can let it, and not drinking is a way of doing that, you’ll have an easier time of it in the long run. The menopause is one crazy rush of inflammation, so anything that also inflames is to be avoided. You don’t have to give up drinking forever, just while you’re in the heat of it. And if that feels doable, I also recommend cold swimming or cold baths. They saved me.
7. What gives you the greatest sense of agency in midlife? (i.e., “Knowing that I can…”)
Knowing we’re all the same, that everyone reading this is just as scared and confused as I am, that we’re all mostly thinking about ourselves; how to ward off danger, be safe, keep our loved ones close, cope with this strange experience; a species called human on a rolling planet hanging in a vast and eternal universe. It’s nuts and exquisite, and we’re all in it together. When I was young, I thought I was unique, alone, different. I was disconnected from myself and consequently everyone and everything around me. Midlife is a leveler. If we make it this far, it becomes crystal clear that you are another me.
8. Give us the headline for your Empress Age. (one that captures the bold narrative you are rewriting for the latter half of your life)
She needed a hero, so that’s what she became.
Eleanor’s Empress Edit
It’s an ephemeral mix!
Reading in the bath
My children
My horse
The growth I experience with a man who’s up for the challenge of making a relationship about the betterment of each other’s souls
Scent made by Victoria Ogilvy Essence
My home in France
Writing
Where readers can find you:
Website: eleanoranstruther.com
Substack: The Literary Obsessive
Instagram: @eleanoranstruther
We hope you enjoyed this week’s questionnaire.
Yours in Grandeur & Deep Sh*t,
PS - I am a human typo. Amnesty appreciated.
*An earlier version of this email newsletter contains a misprint of question # 8—sincerest apologies to our guest. Brain fog made us do it!
*The information contained in this post is intended for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any illness. Before using any practices or products referenced in this piece or others, always consult your healthcare providers, read all labels, and heed all cautions that come with the products. Information received from this piece, or anywhere in this Substack, should never be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have any adverse conditions, please consult your healthcare providers immediately. This Substack, including Alisa Jones and any other writers or editors, disclaims any responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of any information contained herein. Opinions of any writers in this Substack are their own, and the Substack does not accept responsibility for statements made by writers. This Substack does not make any representations or warranties about a writer’s qualifications or credibility.
Here are some lovely things readers have said recently about this newsletter:
“One of Substack’s funniest voices on midlife, menopause, and showing up for yourself.”
“It's so refreshing to read inspiring, longer-form deep dives after years of swimming in seas of short-form social media.”
“Alisa always brings something extraordinary as a writer and it's forever enlightening to peek into her midlife brain.”
I’d love to see you as part of the community — and I hope you enjoy these pieces above about midlife love, agency, and believing in yourself.
 | A guest post by
|
"shaking off of shackles turns some men into whining babies" We were always whining babies : )
She is a shooting star of spectacular insights.