Sunday Journaling Prompt: Who did you need when you were younger? 📔🖋️✨
How would you (pardon the trendy terminology) 'reparent' yourself? Are there any key moments you can think of now that you've reached midlife?
*CW: baby-centric, PPD
Fellow Empresses,
This week’s horrific atrocities have got me mulling over something my therapist once said and what artist Ashley Sheehan has managed to beautifully capture above:
Who did you need when you were younger? How can you be who you needed then? If you could go back to that moment and be that person, what would you say or do?
Are there certain incidents that come up in your past life?
For me, it was those first months of my children's lives when they were just learning how to sleep through the night, when their teeth were oh-so-agonizingly cutting through one by one, a runny-nose teething cold with each new razor-sharp arrival, and when they were constantly barfing all over me—everywhere. I needed someone to tell me…
Hey, you were Head Girl! This isn't rocket science. You have totally got this! You can do this! You just need a little sleep, a shower, and a reset! And if you think you might have post-partum depression, there’s help. There are things we can do… therapy, support groups, new medication, etc.
And yes, there are times when you may need to pretend that you are an ER Resident on Grey’s Anatomy, where you've got long-ass shifts with baby drama, and you will need to grab sleep when you can. Yes, you will have to deal with emergencies that aren’t really emergencies and with super gross bodily fluids pretty much all the time, but it is the longest-shortest time, and you are going to get through it! And you will have sweet, little moments that are amazing. But don't freakin’ miss them because you are too busy basking in misery all the time because you ARE going to make it… because we’ve got you.
So, I needed someone to be encouraging, but instead, people around me were more like we tried to tell you parenthood was awful—like I was some kind of sucker. And I didn't need that. I needed: You can do this, Tracy Flick!
And in the times when you feel like you can't do it all and you need some help, we are here for you! (That is what I needed.)
And that is the person I would want to show up as for any young mother who is exhausted, has been up for months, has not had a shower in days, and is so delirious that she is trying to breastfeed the coffeemaker.
I want to be that person. I want to be that kind, compassionate, encouraging, resourceful person—not like the jerkwads going… Ha! Sucker! We tried to tell you it was the worst! That is just mean. Nobody needs that horseshit. No new parent, and, oh, by the way, you are still a new parent at five months, and you still feel like a new parent at 15 months, and you need someone to tell you that this has all been done before. Here are the hacks. Here is what you need to know and here is how having 2-3 close friends around you can save you. ALL without judgment.
That is who I would be for any new mom who needed me. So, I always think of this when I think of the above quote. Be the person you needed when you were at your most vulnerable.
I feel like young moms and babies are at their most vulnerable when they are home alone without a sister, a friend, or a good mom role model who is nearby. That’s my take.
So, who did you need when you were younger? How can you be that person now? For yourself? For someone else?
Yours in Grandeur and heavy sh*t,
p.s. On a purely perimenopausal level, if I could go back and get myself this journal (by Hey Perry) at the height of my hormonal chaos, I absolutely would have—it offers both the meno expertise and structure I so needed when I was deep in it.
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BTW is that a portrait of Natalie Wood as a child?
Awww... I loved my teachers. Except Mr. Schuderer... he was a jerk perv. But, it’s not cringe :) The right teacher can make all the difference in the world to a kid. I think that's why people love Abbott Elementary so much. It’s crazy honest about the indignities, but also the gems the come when a kid thrives. And, hey... I'm super cringe. I just admitted to the world that I have the ultimate GenXer parents. I had babies and they basically told me to go outside and play with them and not to come back until dinner! 😂